People say stuff like, “are you people lesbians?” when they see two women being extremely great friends.
For many, it is unusual to see a woman befriend another woman genuinely. I mean, catfights and yanking each other’s wigs should never go out of trend for women – it is what we have all come to this world for anyway.
What is friendship between women if they’re not secretly trying to poison themselves, hating each other deep down or fighting over an ugly ass man anyway? Because men are an integral part of our existence, of course. I mean, it is what the entire female gender came to do in this world – hate on each other.
For us women – there is nothing like real pure friendship – only men are allowed and are bestowed the gift of true friendship. We women cannot do this.
And so, people never tell their girlfriends how much they mean to them. They would rather reserve the sweet words, display of affection and the act of showering gifts for the men they’re in a relationship with. Something that couldn’t be more wrong.
And this is why it is important that I do this. Because for me, telling you that I care about you as a human being is as important to me as telling the man I would date.
Those sweet words I would shower on him and my immediate family aren’t limited to them, you get it too.
Because you’re sweet, kindhearted, beautiful as hell and my number one cheerleader.
I remember the first day I met you – a day you probably never will recall – you were a light skinned girl who had come to morning rehearsals at the department (of Dramatic Arts, OAU) late. It was our initiation rehearsal, punctuation was key, but you either didn’t know or didn’t mind.
I had been one of the earliest people to join the 5.30am rehearsals and so, that made you conspicuous. Of course, your orange ass was another reason, you effortlessly stand out in a crowd of people.
I didn’t think much of you – you were light skinned with a face that refused to smile anyway – so I thought you were either a snub or you didn’t use words often.
However, later that day, when you, me, Victoria Essien and a couple of other people stood in front of Geology department talking about e-registration, I realized your face could move!
Alas, you didn’t have botox. Wawu.
I am not sure when we became friends, but I remember when I realized you were a keeper.
I had found you, during project play rehearsals (ugh, those Twingle Twangle rehearsals that went on for hours on end, God bless late Mrs Ogunleye’s memory), talking to my then boyfriend in the departmental secretariat, alone.
I hadn’t confronted you. I didn’t want to. You didn’t owe me shit. And I was not (and still not) the woman who stirs a conversation because of a mere boyfriend.
However, you sensed my discomfort and you told one of the girls we went to the department with that “you weren’t that type of girl. You didn’t do stuff like that to someone you considered a friend.” You were different. You were the girl who cared how the world saw you. The girl who valued friendship.
And no, that wasn’t an invitation to a friendship, but it was a certification of what was to be.
So on the 23rd of December, 2006, when I was already in Ibadan and you, on your way to Lagos for the Christmas break, texted me, I realized something interesting.
I cannot remember the exact words, but you were trying to fit into one message what you’d been up to, meeting your then boyfriend and how much you dug him.
Two things sprang to mind – damn, she’s stingy squeezing all those damn words in one text message and, wow she’s such a friendly girl. So willing to bare your emotions, so willing to share your excitement and so willing to compress all that inside one message.
I understand text message was N15 so I would move on.
So, I did to you what you did to me. I met you halfway. You were annoying, still are and forever would be. ‘Cause if you change, I wouldn’t want you anymore. And I know you need me to want you, so I wouldn’t do you like that.
It’s been 10 years I received that message, and even though we weren’t even besties until after school in 2011, you’re the most constant human being I have had in my life in one decade.
My gorgeous, orange ass pawpaw, you have remained even when I went NEPA on you.You have remained a strong believer in my work, a huge fan and even fought for me, literally! Remember that noisy, arrogant man last year at Anita’s wedding? The one who felt he should be respected even though he was blatantly rude to me? You told him, “Slap her now! Slap her and we would be looking at you!” when he dared say he would slap me.
And we fight but we have grown so much from the 18yr olds to 28yr old women who have realized that no matter what, the friendship is important. And we can fight, but we must remember to still be friends even through the fights.
And I know this is risky, putting it all out like this, cos we may not be friends tomorrow.
However, if I could have written deep shit for men I don’t even speak to anymore, I can risk it for you.
Plus, good luck if you don’t wanna be friends tomorrow.
I’m the best bitch out there for you, binsh.
I love you, muphucka. Now and always, Amanda Boboruebi Empere. Happy friendniversary. Whareva that means…
Yeah, forgot ‘Kemi’ that name my mother gave you that I always forget but you never forget to remember.