Adventures of a wakapass

Please if you’re an upcoming Actress, stay away from the Yoruba arm of Nollywood.

When you’re big, you can return there for roles.

Until then, please save yourself the pain and N500 recharge card that they will offer you.

I am currently inside the Hospital in Yaba now because I went and answered the call of one Yoruba Director. I should have just refused to answer him and his ghastly vocabulary when he was calling my number.

Now I am inside the Hospital being treated for body pain and other unforeseen circumstance.

As usual, I am willing to give backstory but forgive me, it cannot be plenty. Abeg, my hands hurt from the beating.

Oh yes, I got my ass whooped.

So I was on my own yesterday night when my phone rang (Olamide ringtone, Abule Sowo to be precise. Street ti take over) and then I saw this Yoruba Director (whose name shall not be mentioned) calling my phone.

I pick, Oga say make I come Ikorodu say im get one correct role for me.

Me that I have not played any role (not even inside bedroom) for some time, I grabbed my bag and entered bus to Ikorodu.

I should have known something was not right when he texted me and said, “You will like this roll Boma, very nice sometin”

Someone who spells role as roll is clearly somebody I should be wary of. But no, I entered bus, Keke and eventually Bike to the location.

When I got there, I was not allowed to act for the most of the day.

Oga Director said because his major Actresses had to act first. Anyway, I soon heard that I was going to be acting as the housegirl who was sleeping with her Madam’s Oga and who Madam caught and beat her life out.

I should have rolled out/away/far but I wanted to be a star.

Hmm, by the time this Actress started beating me, the only star inside the picture were the ones that my eyes saw

In fact, at some point ehn, I thought we were in real life and I had slept with her husband true true.

The tears that came out of my eyes were real abeg and the Director kept smoking, refusing to cut.

Read the rest HERE

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